So I know I havent written, but I have been pretty busy and my life has taken quite a strange turn...
Let me back up
So a few months ago, my husband and I woke up at 5:30 am on a Saturday to take a test. The early morning hour was because my husband had to go to work shortly and we wanted to take the test before he had to leave. The test, as you may have guessed was a pregnancy test.
It was the stupidest test in the world, and we read the instructions 5 times. And yes, we were expecting.
Italy being what it is, I decided I would "hold off" seeing a doctor until the 8th week. Im serious, "HOLD OFF" is what I meant. In many places in the world they will not SEE you before the 8th week. Here I was aiming for 8.
In any case, it was not meant to be as for some (thank god it was nothing) complications, I went to see the doc at 6 weeks. And was yelled at. Well not yelled, but definitely reprimanded. Boy was I confused. But this is just the beginning.
So I go to get my first ultrasound and I strip, like any well-brought up lady would do. The tech comes and states, in Italian "c'e' due" (there are two). I was thinking "oh two screens, two centimeters, two something or the other" and disregarded the utterance. The next thing I know the doc says lets listen to the heartbeat. There is nothing in the world as shocking as the strong and fast heartbeat you hear the first time. Next he says "let us now hear the other"
Other??? Other what??
At this point my husband, who was in a more dignified state than I was, realizes what is happening and tries to enlighten me. Except in his excitement he confuses the word "twins" and "twice" and starts jumping up and down and screaming "twines".
Twines? I have twines? Is that dangerous???
And then I get it!
TWINS. We are expecting twins. We dont know the sexes yet, but are overwhelmed with just the idea.
So thats why I havent been writing. My world has been revolving around this and so instead of not posting (shame shame) I will post on things that relate to me. This may mean pregnancy related items, however I am sure that there will be more.
Life is never really what you expect it....
Tuesday, August 14, 2007
Saturday, May 5, 2007
Apron strings never die
One of the most striking things that I quickly came to realize was the power of the family, and by family I mean mom, and by powerful I mean the mothers apron strings. Seems that Italian men, (and I do mean to specify men), cant seem to break the ties with Mama. It is apparent everwhere you look. For me, who I could barely wait to flee the family household and become independent, this was quite the shock. Italian men, on average (actually higher then average, reports say the 80%) stay living with their mothers until the age of 35. Yes, 35! And even when they do move out, more than 60% move to live within one kilometer of their mother's house. (http://www.time.com/time/europe/html/060410/story_2.html)
The proximity allows for the apron strings to be maintained. Thus (and I have seen this first hand), the Italian man can continue to visit Mama for daily lunches or dinners (or both), drop by to have his clothes ironed and washed, and basically continue for all pratical reasons to live at home while sleep in his new place. Mothers claim that their 50 year old sons dont know how to use the washing machine or iron, and really, whats the big deal if they pass by for lunch (every day!), they were going to cook anyways so whats another dinner plate?
But can you imagine what societal impact this has? Men are their mother's babies way into adulthood and cant fend for themselves. I can hardly think of anything less attractive. And its everywhere. Claims that this has to do with high unemployment are valid until a point (why is it that Italian women are not staking the same claims). Seems men love the pampering of their moms and cant let go of it.
Yesterday I tried to convince one such male to strike it on his own. I went on about how great it feels to take care of yourself. How liberating it felt to eat Ramen noodles and worry about the rent and not pick up the phone to ask for money from your parents.
I think I lost him on Ramen noodles. Italians are more obssessed about food than anything. They LOVE their food, and will talk endlessly about a plate of pasta or some sidedish they ate for lunch. And, yes you can guess, no one makes that plate of pasta or loved sidedish like mama.
Maybe its not apron strings after all, maybe its the pasta noodles tying son to mama.
The proximity allows for the apron strings to be maintained. Thus (and I have seen this first hand), the Italian man can continue to visit Mama for daily lunches or dinners (or both), drop by to have his clothes ironed and washed, and basically continue for all pratical reasons to live at home while sleep in his new place. Mothers claim that their 50 year old sons dont know how to use the washing machine or iron, and really, whats the big deal if they pass by for lunch (every day!), they were going to cook anyways so whats another dinner plate?
But can you imagine what societal impact this has? Men are their mother's babies way into adulthood and cant fend for themselves. I can hardly think of anything less attractive. And its everywhere. Claims that this has to do with high unemployment are valid until a point (why is it that Italian women are not staking the same claims). Seems men love the pampering of their moms and cant let go of it.
Yesterday I tried to convince one such male to strike it on his own. I went on about how great it feels to take care of yourself. How liberating it felt to eat Ramen noodles and worry about the rent and not pick up the phone to ask for money from your parents.
I think I lost him on Ramen noodles. Italians are more obssessed about food than anything. They LOVE their food, and will talk endlessly about a plate of pasta or some sidedish they ate for lunch. And, yes you can guess, no one makes that plate of pasta or loved sidedish like mama.
Maybe its not apron strings after all, maybe its the pasta noodles tying son to mama.
Thursday, May 3, 2007
Senseless death...
The headlines in Rome today showed the picture of a grieving mother whose daughter was killed in a senseless attack. It wasn't just that a young girl was killed, but it was HOW that caused the headlines... Her daughter was stabbed in the eye with the tip if an umbrella while on the metro. She died a few days later. You can read more about this on BBC http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/europe/6606365.stm
An umbrella... in her eye... dead.
I can't imagine the pain the mother must be feeling, and for her to imagine the death of her daughter, in such a cruel, senseless act.
But what also made the news was the public reaction at the funeral, who quickly took up an anti-immigrant chant... you see, the umbrella belonged to a Romanian, actually a Romanian prostitute. She was filmed soon after the attack walking out of metro, all calm and collected.
As shocking and as horrible as this news was, what struck me is how easy it was to make this into an anti-immigrant attack. Chants such as "we pay all the taxes, they freeload off us" etc. were taken up by many.
Italy is going through a hard time, high unemployment, extra-ordinarily high rents, economic crises, low birth rate (I should add low "italian" birth rate, as the immigrants seem to be having a healthy fertility rate), and all the problems that come when all these things come together. Not a healthy mix.
And I couldnt help but think of this Romanian girl... I am not excusing any part of her senseless, horrible, crime - but let her be tried for her crime, not for the fact that she happens to be Romanian. If she had been Italian, would that have made the crime any less horrible? Or would we have instead focused on the horrible nature of the crime instead of focusing on unrelated issues such as high tax and unemployment.
An umbrella... in her eye... dead.
I can't imagine the pain the mother must be feeling, and for her to imagine the death of her daughter, in such a cruel, senseless act.
But what also made the news was the public reaction at the funeral, who quickly took up an anti-immigrant chant... you see, the umbrella belonged to a Romanian, actually a Romanian prostitute. She was filmed soon after the attack walking out of metro, all calm and collected.
As shocking and as horrible as this news was, what struck me is how easy it was to make this into an anti-immigrant attack. Chants such as "we pay all the taxes, they freeload off us" etc. were taken up by many.
Italy is going through a hard time, high unemployment, extra-ordinarily high rents, economic crises, low birth rate (I should add low "italian" birth rate, as the immigrants seem to be having a healthy fertility rate), and all the problems that come when all these things come together. Not a healthy mix.
And I couldnt help but think of this Romanian girl... I am not excusing any part of her senseless, horrible, crime - but let her be tried for her crime, not for the fact that she happens to be Romanian. If she had been Italian, would that have made the crime any less horrible? Or would we have instead focused on the horrible nature of the crime instead of focusing on unrelated issues such as high tax and unemployment.
Friday, March 9, 2007
And happy womens day to you too!
Riding the train to work, I often read the free newspapers they pass out, usually just to pass the time before getting to work, and mostly cuz my Italian is not good enough for the "real newspaper". It was hard not to notice it was International Women's Day this week. Even before arriving in the station, it was apparent as the "national flower" for women's day is the mimosa. A puffy yellow flower similar to dandeloins. Street vendors were very busy selling them on every corner of the street.
In the newspaper (I actually grab 2, one significantly better and less sensationalist than the other) articles were written about the progress of women in Italy. this was your typical "we must write an article on women today" kind of articles. How many more business women, how many women in political office compared to 10/15/20 years ago. etc. etc. followed by the mandatory, we have acheived a lot but a lot remains to be done, yada yada yada. I feel worldwide as if these articles are copy/paste jobs with just an update on numbers. I just feel it is so divorced from the realities of every day life. If you ask me, these are the changes I will need to see to count as advance:
1. Women are not paraded as sex token on TV (quite tiring, and much more obvious in Italy than I have seen anywhere else). Case in point: On women's day on TV here in Italy, there was your typical show with a barely dressed woman bound in chains with a huge lock between her breasts, and the contestant had a bowl of keys he had to find the right key to the lock. Every "attempt" had the man's hands fondling her breasts.
2. Women who have kids have real mechanisms to allow them to work. Case in point: Children are not allowed to be in a day care for more than 8 hours, yet the normal working day is 8 hours, how is this feasible? Unless women have a star trek ability to zap themselves from work to home, this is not possible.
3. Women are not wholly responsible in the household for cleaning/cooking/washing in addition to the job they have outside the home if they have one. Case in point: Recent study shows that when living with a male partner, women's housework doubles, and no its not because they become twice as messy.
4. Women never have to fear walking alone on a street after dark. 'nuff said.
Whereas I KNOW there are much "more important" indicators out there, and on Womens Day they always refer to them, and I agree with every one (yes to women's education, no to violence against women, yes to women's legal rights); I feel like the above is not just a matter of changing policies, but of changing the things the world has taken for granted.
And to the world out there, thank you for the mimosas, but I need more from you.
In the newspaper (I actually grab 2, one significantly better and less sensationalist than the other) articles were written about the progress of women in Italy. this was your typical "we must write an article on women today" kind of articles. How many more business women, how many women in political office compared to 10/15/20 years ago. etc. etc. followed by the mandatory, we have acheived a lot but a lot remains to be done, yada yada yada. I feel worldwide as if these articles are copy/paste jobs with just an update on numbers. I just feel it is so divorced from the realities of every day life. If you ask me, these are the changes I will need to see to count as advance:
1. Women are not paraded as sex token on TV (quite tiring, and much more obvious in Italy than I have seen anywhere else). Case in point: On women's day on TV here in Italy, there was your typical show with a barely dressed woman bound in chains with a huge lock between her breasts, and the contestant had a bowl of keys he had to find the right key to the lock. Every "attempt" had the man's hands fondling her breasts.
2. Women who have kids have real mechanisms to allow them to work. Case in point: Children are not allowed to be in a day care for more than 8 hours, yet the normal working day is 8 hours, how is this feasible? Unless women have a star trek ability to zap themselves from work to home, this is not possible.
3. Women are not wholly responsible in the household for cleaning/cooking/washing in addition to the job they have outside the home if they have one. Case in point: Recent study shows that when living with a male partner, women's housework doubles, and no its not because they become twice as messy.
4. Women never have to fear walking alone on a street after dark. 'nuff said.
Whereas I KNOW there are much "more important" indicators out there, and on Womens Day they always refer to them, and I agree with every one (yes to women's education, no to violence against women, yes to women's legal rights); I feel like the above is not just a matter of changing policies, but of changing the things the world has taken for granted.
And to the world out there, thank you for the mimosas, but I need more from you.
Tuesday, January 30, 2007
It's been a while
I do realize I have not posted in a while, and I will not bore you with the details and excuses, but believe me they are valid and include travel, hospitals, and visitors.... Am I off the hook now?
However, I do think one should blog regardless, I have a duty to the blog, and to my non-existant readers. Who knows, maybe this will become like the last chapter of HandMaids Tale, whereby all that is left of civilization is my meandering blog... I have a responsibilty to the future!
yeah right...
In any case, I do have news. We have found a new apartment! Yes, I know its a rental, but in Rome finding a rental is not so easy. We, my husband and I, were so excited about finally finding one that when we announced it to family, my sister in the USA thought we had BOUGHT the place! Understandable coming from someone who merely has to open the newspaper to find hundreds of possible rentals, categorized by zone, price and size! Ah, here that is a mere fantasy.
So how do you go about finding a rental? Good question. Anything listed in the local classfieds newspaper is either too expensive or unlivable (yes I will pass on the 1600 dollar matchbox, thank you). So you need to resort to word of mouth with a lot of luck... reason being since Italy moved to Euro, anyone having the "old rent" (which is 50% less of new rent) is holding on to their apartments for dear life... NO ONE wants to move, and everyone is petrified of the new rents.
Which is understandable. Unemployment is high and housing costs are insane. One quickly begins to understand two Italian trends: children living with parents well into their 30's, and the VERY low birth rate.
So yes, I do have reason to celebrate. We have found a place, not cheap but affordable, nice zone and connected to public transportation.
Now our challenge is furnishing it, as it seems when you rent an apartment in Italy all you get is doors and a wall. Not even a kitchen sink. God help me.
However, I do think one should blog regardless, I have a duty to the blog, and to my non-existant readers. Who knows, maybe this will become like the last chapter of HandMaids Tale, whereby all that is left of civilization is my meandering blog... I have a responsibilty to the future!
yeah right...
In any case, I do have news. We have found a new apartment! Yes, I know its a rental, but in Rome finding a rental is not so easy. We, my husband and I, were so excited about finally finding one that when we announced it to family, my sister in the USA thought we had BOUGHT the place! Understandable coming from someone who merely has to open the newspaper to find hundreds of possible rentals, categorized by zone, price and size! Ah, here that is a mere fantasy.
So how do you go about finding a rental? Good question. Anything listed in the local classfieds newspaper is either too expensive or unlivable (yes I will pass on the 1600 dollar matchbox, thank you). So you need to resort to word of mouth with a lot of luck... reason being since Italy moved to Euro, anyone having the "old rent" (which is 50% less of new rent) is holding on to their apartments for dear life... NO ONE wants to move, and everyone is petrified of the new rents.
Which is understandable. Unemployment is high and housing costs are insane. One quickly begins to understand two Italian trends: children living with parents well into their 30's, and the VERY low birth rate.
So yes, I do have reason to celebrate. We have found a place, not cheap but affordable, nice zone and connected to public transportation.
Now our challenge is furnishing it, as it seems when you rent an apartment in Italy all you get is doors and a wall. Not even a kitchen sink. God help me.
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