10 years later and still kicking

So much time has past sine first writing, Im not sure where to begin

Its been a long time

Wow, I just noticed its been more than 3 years since my last post. What have I been doing?? Juggling life I guess and missing a few beats.

Quick flash: twins are 3 years old now and going to the public daycare system. They will be going to materna (preschool) soon... fear fear fear... so scared of this change, but this, like everything else, shall pass

As for me, Ive been quite busy. 3 jobs in 5 years! for country that has such high unemployment rate, Ive been busy! (not to my choosing I must add) but Ive managed to keep myself employed, which is no small feat in Rome!

Its almost spring in Italy, you can smell it in the air... the BEST season to be here, an the most beautiful country to appreciate it. Now is the time for wild asparagus hunting and eating fresh peas... nothing can beat it.

And its in Spring when I most realize why I chose to live here. There is still a connection to nature, which I found missing while I lived in the USA. People will take long walks in the countryside and get together to roast artichoke. The countryside almost calls out to you for walks.

And this Spring will also bring the trial of Berlusconi. What a farce that will be! I am almost dreading the moment, as I know it will just make my blood boil.

But change is indeed in the air... just 2 nights ago I FINALLY convinced my husband that it would be OK to order delivery pizza! He almost ruined the whole convenience of it by asking the pizzeria to call him when pizzas were ready as he would run to get them (it was a nearby place)... but logic prevailed, and a few minutes later we opened the door in pyjamas to our pizzas! I may have finally made some dramatic changes yet, but I am not holding my breath.

change is in the air

It's been a while, but the blog has been on my mind, like undone homework hanging over my head....

So here we are in 2009 - unbelievable that a year has passed since the twins were born. Big boys now, though they refuse to say Mama or walk - I think they are holding out on purpose.

But this is also the time that I go back to work full-time instead of part-time, which has put me in a struggle...daycare closes at 4:30! The earliest I can pick them up is 5:00 - I am desperately trying to figure out what to do with the half hour or so. Can I find someone who is willing tp pick up twins (god its hard with no elevators, sidewalks etc,) do I find another daycare, or what? How do other moms figure this out? Whats the idea behind closing daycares at 4:30.

Seems Italy is built based on the idea that everyone has a nonna or nonno (grandparents) who can help out. Every day I see granparents with little kids before an after school time. What would happen if Italy became a more mobile country, with people moving out from their neighborhoods - would the country come to a halt?

Oh baby...

I dont think having babies is easy in any part of the world, especially for first time parents... things get especially complicated when you live in a foreign country with no support system, and things get even more complicated when you have twins.

So the boys arrived on a cold January morning, and we have been through a whirlwind of emotions and exhaustion. They are beautiful, if I may say so myself (and yes, I know as a mom I am biased*) and are generally well-behaved. However, it has been 5 months now and I cant recall the last time I got more than 3 hours uninterrupted sleep.

Now in general, Italians love babies... babies are very protected and appreciated... Whereas in other countries I have lived in, namely the USA, a child or baby in a restaurant would be barely tolerated, here they have the run of the place. I dont know if this is because Italians in general love babies or because there is a negative birthrate... would they still be as appreciated if Italians were being the good catholics the Pope is calling for and have 6-7-8 babies per household? Who knows...

But it soon becomes VERY obvious that Rome is a city were children, while appreciated, are however, not expected or accomodated for. These signals include:

1. Sidewalks - where there MAY be a sidewalk, it is usually occupied by a parked car in the middle of the sidewalk adorned on each side with dog poop (dont get me started on the dog poop)

2. Baby items cost a fortune - seriously - I have found it cheaper to buy overseas and have it shipped

3. There are no stores within reasonable distance to buy baby items

4. you soon have to decide whether to save for a college fund for your children or buy them diapers... seeing that one affects us directly, my husband and I chose diapers

5. The above mentioned diapers are not found in the supermarket, as you would imagine, next to toilet paper or paper item, but near the pet food and dog litter - very telling, I think - I could write a whole essay on this alone

6. There are no elevators in train stations or in public buildings, and if there are any, they usually are so small to only fit 2 people standing up (no stroller, and you might as well be insane if you want to imagine a double stroller).

7. Stores and public buildings are not equipped to deal with children - no seats or chairs, no changing rooms or public restrooms, nothing... and this INCLUDES the stores whihch sell baby items (GO FIGURE)

8. No play areas - and the very few that exist are surrounded by dog poop (yes that again)

So it has not been easy... but let me, to be fair, write what I have found incredible about having children in Italy.

1. The whole thing was FREE - ie I did not pay a penny at the hospital (this till now never stops to amaze me - FREE healthcare, how humane)

2. The pediatrician is FREE, yes, and she's NICE - we get monthly visits for free and, from what I understand, house visits if needed (I really need to check on that one)

3. Italians get paternity leave - a lifesaver for us in the first month of having the boys.

4. Italians get "baby" sick days... so when your child is sick, you can actually take the time off (imagine that!!)

5. If you are lucky, there is also state day care, which is subsidized AND from personal research, 100 times better than private day care - its actually nice and pleasant

This post has gone on longer than I expected, but this has been eye opening on so many fronts for me for the past few months. Can a society coinsider itself to be civilized, modern, and humane if it does not care for the most vulnerable, innocent members of its own who are also the future of the country? And why are we amazed when the state or government, to which we pay taxes and elect to represent us, actually assists families in providing and caring for their children?







in Arabic there is a saying that goes: In the eye of the monkey's mother, her child is a gazelle

How right can you get and be so wrong??

So the elections are over... and the winner is (at least according to me) is no one... we all lost. Politics in Italy are complicated, really complicated, and for someone who loves politics, even after 3 years I can barely understand who is who and what they want. Let us just say it didnt take me long to figure out that racist parties are common and that no, Berlusconi would not (if I could vote) represent my beliefs.

However, due to bad managment and a too large coalition (consensus is not the best way to run a country) the left-leaning Prodi government was kciked out - leading us, yet again, to early elections. After living in the USA and watching the democratic party lose again and again, it became obvious that the left parties were making the same mistakes in Italy as they did in the USA (and in so many other countries I am sure). You can not, and never will, win an election if you are asking people to vote AGAINST something or soemone. People want to vote for who they believe can solve their problems, lead them to future, or solve traffic problems.

But why do right leaning politicians have such big characters? I mean look around - Berlusconi, Bush, Sarkozy... people are attracted to such things and consider it charisma...

The problem, I think, with politics today is that there is no more magic - no more wonder... I remember being excited about a certain party winning or not - there was belief in cahange, in a futue, there was an idealogy, principles... now we just hope that wars end, immigrants are not targeted, and people stop begging to pay for groceries...

Just when you think you know what to expect

So I know I havent written, but I have been pretty busy and my life has taken quite a strange turn...

Let me back up

So a few months ago, my husband and I woke up at 5:30 am on a Saturday to take a test. The early morning hour was because my husband had to go to work shortly and we wanted to take the test before he had to leave. The test, as you may have guessed was a pregnancy test.

It was the stupidest test in the world, and we read the instructions 5 times. And yes, we were expecting.

Italy being what it is, I decided I would "hold off" seeing a doctor until the 8th week. Im serious, "HOLD OFF" is what I meant. In many places in the world they will not SEE you before the 8th week. Here I was aiming for 8.

In any case, it was not meant to be as for some (thank god it was nothing) complications, I went to see the doc at 6 weeks. And was yelled at. Well not yelled, but definitely reprimanded. Boy was I confused. But this is just the beginning.

So I go to get my first ultrasound and I strip, like any well-brought up lady would do. The tech comes and states, in Italian "c'e' due" (there are two). I was thinking "oh two screens, two centimeters, two something or the other" and disregarded the utterance. The next thing I know the doc says lets listen to the heartbeat. There is nothing in the world as shocking as the strong and fast heartbeat you hear the first time. Next he says "let us now hear the other"

Other??? Other what??

At this point my husband, who was in a more dignified state than I was, realizes what is happening and tries to enlighten me. Except in his excitement he confuses the word "twins" and "twice" and starts jumping up and down and screaming "twines".

Twines? I have twines? Is that dangerous???

And then I get it!

TWINS. We are expecting twins. We dont know the sexes yet, but are overwhelmed with just the idea.

So thats why I havent been writing. My world has been revolving around this and so instead of not posting (shame shame) I will post on things that relate to me. This may mean pregnancy related items, however I am sure that there will be more.

Life is never really what you expect it....

Apron strings never die

One of the most striking things that I quickly came to realize was the power of the family, and by family I mean mom, and by powerful I mean the mothers apron strings. Seems that Italian men, (and I do mean to specify men), cant seem to break the ties with Mama. It is apparent everwhere you look. For me, who I could barely wait to flee the family household and become independent, this was quite the shock. Italian men, on average (actually higher then average, reports say the 80%) stay living with their mothers until the age of 35. Yes, 35! And even when they do move out, more than 60% move to live within one kilometer of their mother's house. (http://www.time.com/time/europe/html/060410/story_2.html)

The proximity allows for the apron strings to be maintained. Thus (and I have seen this first hand), the Italian man can continue to visit Mama for daily lunches or dinners (or both), drop by to have his clothes ironed and washed, and basically continue for all pratical reasons to live at home while sleep in his new place. Mothers claim that their 50 year old sons dont know how to use the washing machine or iron, and really, whats the big deal if they pass by for lunch (every day!), they were going to cook anyways so whats another dinner plate?

But can you imagine what societal impact this has? Men are their mother's babies way into adulthood and cant fend for themselves. I can hardly think of anything less attractive. And its everywhere. Claims that this has to do with high unemployment are valid until a point (why is it that Italian women are not staking the same claims). Seems men love the pampering of their moms and cant let go of it.

Yesterday I tried to convince one such male to strike it on his own. I went on about how great it feels to take care of yourself. How liberating it felt to eat Ramen noodles and worry about the rent and not pick up the phone to ask for money from your parents.

I think I lost him on Ramen noodles. Italians are more obssessed about food than anything. They LOVE their food, and will talk endlessly about a plate of pasta or some sidedish they ate for lunch. And, yes you can guess, no one makes that plate of pasta or loved sidedish like mama.

Maybe its not apron strings after all, maybe its the pasta noodles tying son to mama.